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| "OK folks, look out for Chris Hansen." |
This is the first Predator movie I have watched since 1990's Predator 2. I did not even bother with the crap that was Alien vs. Predator or Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (REQUIEM? What, did Mozart posthumously write the screenplay?) mostly because the first was PG-13 rated, and when you have two creatures from R-rated franchises facing off, you need to continue the tradition. Yes, unrated versions were released on DVD, but I was too tired to care at that point.
So here we have Adrien Brody continuing his string of
outstanding roles. (Yes, that was sarcasm.) Does anybody even remember anymore that this guy won an Oscar for a Polanski film? Sometimes I tend to forget, and I haven't even seen Splice yet.
Brody gets dropped in the jungle, along with a crew of other misfits. Apparently this entourage of Predator fighters is important because it allows the director Nimrod Antal to make use of his 2.35 panavision frame in almost. every. single. shot. to remind you...."Hey! Don't forget, there's a great cast here filled with Walton Goggins, who played Shane Vendrell on The Shield, Danny Trejo from Machete and, oh yeah, Topher Grace. Wouldn't you like to count them all again? Let me just pull the camera back and show you!"
That aside, I was quite disappointed with what I watched for the next 106 minutes. The original Predator, directed by the now-locked-up-in-the-slammer-for-lying-to-the-Feds director John McTiernan, was a classic, and of course, starred The Governator. Predator 2 was downright ridiculous (Look folks, it's Predator in the BIG CITY!), but it kept the action going at breakneck speed that I just rolled with it and enjoyed the ride. Predators, however, has none of either, which is quite surprising seeing how it is produced by Mr. "I Love Digital, Do You?" Robert Rodriguez. I remember reading an interview with Rodriguez saying that he wanted to take a "fresh" approach to the franchise, hoping to make everything new again. Nope. Sorry. I didn't feel any of that here.
The setup was interesting. We really don't know why all these people were dropped on the Predator planet, and for 30 minutes, the film takes its time setting up a good action sci-fi flick, but then when they actually stumble upon the ugly beasties, and Laurence Fishburne shows up, it's like Rodriguez and the director just said, "Ah, fuggit. Just film something cool!"
Which brings me to this question: Laurence Fishburne is in this movie for probably a whopping 10 minutes total. WHY? There is no substance to his character. Was he trying to get money back for the mistake of being the voice of The Silver Surfer from three years ago? Who knows, but I really don't understand why he was even in the film. Despite his cool entrance, I really didn't get why he was even there, and then all of a sudden he's Keyser Soze ("...and like that....poof.....he's gone!")
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| "Look, if Fishburne's gonna portray me, then I'd better get compensation!" |
From there, Predators just mediates into an Agatha Christie story, ala Ten Little Indians In The Jungle. And despite a twist that I saw coming involving Topher Grace, there's very little if any substance here to recommend. I felt cheated. Robert Rodriguez had mentioned that this film is a continuation of the events after Predator 2, and that the Alien vs. Predator films should be ignored. Well, the last time I heard that speech was when Bryan Singer said that the events in Superman Returns were to be a continuation of what happened after Superman II and that III and IV were to be ignored.
And we all know how great that movie turned out, right?
Right?
I was still expecting to see Chris Hansen show up at some point.
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| "Why don't you have a seat right over there?" |
Predators, Grade: C -
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